I have been doing all of the things that everyone needs me to do, but none of the things that I need to do. How often do we women, especially mothers, get into that mode? We let other’s needs take control of our lives. In fact, we do it even when those we help aren’t expecting us to put ourselves aside for them.
Why is it easier for me to support others than to support myself? I know I want to get my book published. I’m coming to the conclusion that I’m probably going to have to publish it myself, and, even if I can find an agent and a publisher, I’m going to be the one responsible for marketing it. To be honest, I’m okay with that. But instead of plowing forward, I get derailed working on my husband’s book, my friend’s business, another friend’s issues. Places where I can provide support instead of plowing my way through to create my own path. Instead of supporting my own needs.
Why do I do that? Is it fear? Do I want someone to take me by the hand and lead me down the path? Or do I want someone to push me forward? Sure, I’d love to have someone step in and take care of me. But do I really expect that to happen? No.
I know that I have the strength to do what I must do – or at least I hope I have the strength. But something, probably self doubt, is still slowing me down.
Certainly, as a writer, you’re putting yourself out there. What if no one likes my book? What if I can’t sell it? But the world will always be full of the ‘What ifs’, and until I make the effort, I’ll never know the answers.
© by Judy Kane 2009
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